After a Hiatus

I know, I’m a bad blogger. Not that anyone reads this, but I like writing it. I’m at a crossroads now. I don’t know whether to follow my dreams and take a real civil job (for less money!) or to keep selling my soul to the man and working for a defense contractor. I may need to cut down on the skiing, the clothes and the exotic vacations, but it might be worth it. Might. its hard to know if this is even my dream anymore, when I haven’t even thought about doing it in a year or so. Its hard to know if its worth giving up some friends( the ones who don’t bother to keep in touch I guess aren’t real friends) and living so close to my family and boyfriend. I really wont be that far away, only about 20 minutes further, but it will be a longer commute to work.

On the other hand, I’m not sure if an opportunity like this will come up again without more sacrifice, more distance and less pay. Decisions decisions. And its scary to think of not taking the same road to work every day,eating the same breakfast from the coffee stand and sitting at the same desk with the same people. But sitting at a desk is what I hate the most, so maybe this will make me happier.

Tags: 9-5, decisions

So tell me what you want, what you really really want.

Hard to believe but its almost my one year anniversary of working.  Celebrated by watching training videos, and bringing in the expected celebration of donuts.  It could be worse.  I’ve had worse anniversaries, depressingly haha.

We’re finishing up the plans on the Costa Rica vacation.  A few nights in the jungle, at the volcano, on the beach.  What more, really could I want? Well, concrete plans would be nice haha.

And now I have enough miles for a free plane ticket anywhere in the US…where to go, where to go?  I think you only get like a year or so to use it, so we’ll see.  Maybe a long weekend somewhere sunny…ahh I love vacation.  I wish I could write for Lonely Planet or Travel Advisor, how do you even get a job like that?  Paid to go on vacation and write?  Yes please dream job.  Maybe some day.  At least I have some idea of what I want, right?

Things I hate about acting like a real person:

-Landlords

-Paying bills

-Cooking my own food

-the 9-5 (or 7 – 3)

-Cleaning

-Having to make all my own decisions

-Friends doing adult things is weird (ie getting married, having kids) but I’ll get over it

-No fraternity parties

 

Things I like:

-Not having to answer to anyone, except myself

-Being able to do what I want in my spare time

-Spending money the way I would like to

-No homework!!

-Being able to go on vacation! and buy nice things

 

 

Life after School

So, school is done, possibly forever, definitely for now.  The triathlon was a (semi) success.  I finished and managed to swim a half mile open water, bike 15 miles and then proceed to run 3.  Intense.  I found one in Newport for the fall, I might tri (hah get it? ) again.
I also went to San Juan, Puerto Rico for about a week before graduation with some WPI friends.  It was a lot of fun.  No drama, no stress, just having adventures, drinking and enjoying the beach.  Which is exactly what I needed.  And although PR might not have been on my list of dream destinations (I swear I’ll get to Europe someday!)  A possible vacation to Central America is in the works for the fall with the BF, hopefully it will work out.   I think I have a vacation problem, this year has been a little ridiculous, even by my standards.  Although I guess the year of LOTS of vacations is over, the quality is just going up.

And although I’m debating leaving, I’m not sure this is my dream place to live or my dream job, I am the happiest I’ve been in a while.  I can see my closest friends from college on a regular basis, I have great new friends and a boyfriend here, I’m doing interesting things and having fun.  So I guess I’ll try to update more, but there are so many things I’m supposed to be doing that its hard to find time.  So happy 4th of July, and I’ll keep posted my life plans.

Graduating…again.

Its true.  I’ll be a “Master of Science” in two weeks.  Well, I guess technically I already am, but I’ll have the coveted piece of paper in my hands then.  It puts me at a crossroads.  Of staying where I am or looking for more lucrative (and hopefully enjoyable!) options.  And I don’t know what the answer is.  My lease is still sitting on my fridge, waiting to be signed and mailed back.  I wish I knew if that was the right thing to do.  But success! Done with graduate school.    And maybe there is another degree or so in my future, but right now, for the first time, I have no plans to go back to school.  My education might be complete.  That’s a scary way of looking at it, but its true.

And I’m turning 23 soon.  Eep.  Prepare for a quarter life existentialist crisis.

I signed up for a triathlon.  I’m going to try to finish, despite having bad knees, questionable shoulders and a severe lack of motivation…sigh.  I have a plan, and I’ve been pretty good about it so far, we’ll see.  I’m going to have to be better if I plan on actually biking 15 miles…

I got in a large argument last night about the merits of strip clubs.  What I was told was, since I am a girl I’ll never understand.  And I will definitely never understand the consequences of letting a guy buy me a drink.  I hate double standards.  Well, I only like them when they work in my favor.  Thats probably a more fair statement.

The last semester of my education is almost over.  Thank goodness!  Now I have to decide what to do next.  Do I want to give up the east coast? Or at least New England?  Do I want to go back for a PhD?  Too many questions.   And my lease is sitting on my fridge waiting to be signed, or mailed back empty.  I’m afraid if I give it another year I’ll never leave.  But if I”m happy whats the point in leaving?  We’ll see.  A quote below is what has me worried.

“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”

-Lady Gaga

This will only hurt a little…

At the risk of making this a sappy relationship blog, I’m going to admit that I felt a pretty sharp jolt when I saw my previous lover was involved in a new facebook relationship.  I know I’ll never speak to him, I’ve known that since October, September maybe.   And I’m happily dating someone else.  STILL.  We did love each other at one point.  Or maybe we didn’t.  Maybe we just pretended.  How can you tell the difference between what you want to feel and whats really there?  Maybe I haven’t been with any one person long enough for the make believe to wear away.  I guess its ultimately a good thing.  I am quite sure she is what he wanted that I could never be.  (A different race, different sorority, petite) all things I couldn’t really change even if I’d wanted to.  I was almost taller than him, blonde and wasn’t about to give up my letters.  So here’s to hoping she’s the one for him.  (and for no more emails and drunk phone calls from the ex)

Silly Adult Life.

I’m getting it together. I’m getting used to working, and the weeks flying by. I’m getting used to trying to eat healthily, work out and still sit at a desk 9 hrs a day. I am trying. I got a new car (how adult!) and now have a car payment and insurance in addition to all of the other fun bills each month. Well, and my expensive hobby of skiing. Which I like more each time I do it. Once I ditch my 80′s style straight skis I’m sure my ability and love for the sport will improve. I forget its a sport and not just a relaxing weekend activity that you do for long periods of time. Fun though. One more day trip this season.

The real reason for this post is that for the first time (and I can almost guarantee it wont be the last) one of my exe’s is engaged. I saw it on facebook and balked a little. One of the older ones, not connected, really at all with my present life. But a shock. A, wow that could have been me. And when all my friends are discussing and freaking out about the choices that are going to hit us quickly in the next few years, serious relationships, moving in, engagements, marriages, new jobs and ultimately for some of us…new families….its weird to see it happen to someone I thought I maybe had a future with. And while I (silently) wish him the best…well, its a little scary.

Quickly…before I’m snowed in

The snow this year is ridiculous, almost a foot over the yearly average, and its going to be even more after the next nor’easter hits tonight.  Luckily, I have groceries, a boy coming over and some beer.    Oh and netflix doesn’t hurt either.  Skiing is fun, I’ve decided, and as a new hobby, its pretty good in that you get in shape, get away for long weekends, and it can be social at times, or anti social depending on how you feel.  Jay Peak was awesome, probably the biggest mountain I’ve been to, definitely the coldest, it was -20 with windchill at the top, and -5 without at the bottom.  My skills are improving a lot from going on a regular basis and we have at least two more long weekends this year.  The weekends away have definitely made for a good time, its nice to get away from work, and spend some time with people I normally wouldn’t.

Last weekend, we went back and crashed our old sorority formal.  I drank more than I should, for fear of running into all sorts of people I didn’t want to.  In the end it turned out to be a good time, despite a few mistakes and interesting life choices.  I will not go to fraternity parties. I will not go to fraternity parties…and then about 5 drinks later it seems like the best idea in the world.  On an entertaining note, my cube-mate is now dating my freshman year roommate.  Interesting connection, but I’m glad it worked out.  The other good news is that I’m only taking one class this semester and its online.  Counting down till graduation…less than 4 months to go until I’m done with school forever!! (Or until I decide its time for a PhD…)

Slacking

Finishing up classes, finishing up things for work, and then leaving for a week in the keys. That is why I haven’t written. That and I’ve been confused in many aspects of my life. I got offered my dream job while on vacation. Too bad I’m in the middle of grad school, I have a lease and I just transplanted and made new friends. It would be hard to do it all over again. So I said no. Maybe in a year or two.

I’m attributing this decision to circumstances, not relationships. I’ve made too many of the right decisions for the wrong reasons. I went to WPI for a boy. I swam for a few boys. I started throwing for a boy. I applied to grad school for a boy. I got a job close by for a boy. And now I’m staying at a job…well, mostly because of circumstances. But maybe there’s a boy related reason in there somewhere.

A boy who…I’m not even entirely sure what he thinks of me. We’re datingish. Ok we are dating and in denial of that fact. But its hard when you don’t know if someone sees you as a fun party person to hang out with and pass the time or if they actually care. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t miss boys who are busting with emotion, and crying all the time, but some sort of indicator would be nice. I already know you like getting some. And drinking together. But the real question is, is there any more to it than that?

I guess maybe its time to stop being so shallow. Or hiding behind the shallowness. Because there are things (gasp!) that I care about other than boys and booze and having a good time. There really are. But its not always worth the effort to make people understand that.